want
want
Song: Beautiful Day, Rushawn
As of 2 days ago… This blog is over 1 year old! In liu of a party, lets switch things up a bit. Theres a bit to unpack here. My most recent posts have been informative and convincing by design, as you could tell. Today I write for a myriad of reasons. The difficulties of quitting tobacco are plaguing me again, cravings and desires for more are sitting at the head of the table inside my pre frontal cortex. The urge to spend that $20 bill in my wallet is real today… lol… all just one more “want” in the grand scheme of my life. But I am on a new kick. I just am tired and dont care anymore. Im tired of excuses and dont care what anyone thinks anymore. The way I see it, ive got just a few things left to fix in my life and I want to fix them. Nicotine is up to bat at the moment, but sitting on deck are finance and the remainder of my vices and useless wants.
Lets be real though for a second. I have it good. I am paid and able to pay my debts on time. I have money left over for incidental expences and even some left over from that. I have a beautiful family, home, and job. I am blessed and grateful. I also am a HUGE proponet for self help as you know and expect. I do suppose that my fervent self help nature could be trauma related. I lost my father at the age of 19 and from there have been mostly on my own, but that is deeper than necessary for this. Point is that self help is something of who I am at this point. The issue arises when I look at myself with regret, remorse, or even distain. I have gone to dark places in my pursuit of self help. What a quandry that is…
Wanting more for self or kin has its place. Taking it too far in my head has been an issue. Today I am grateful again and remembering how blessed I truly am.